It had to.
For so long I've treaded on broken glass imagining that not one single shard will pierce my skin.
Well
if it did...
It wouldn't be a major gash
Just a scratch
Something that could be fixed with a quick wipe of the hand
Maybe a bandaid
at most.
So
inevitably I just keep walking
I walk on glass because I haven't experienced a sharp punishment
That's not to say though that I dont,
at times,
walk along the concrete road instead
even the grassy meadow
because I know that would be more comfortable
I imagine that's what normal people would do
But then I find the glass pit again
I create the broken glass firstly
with photo frames,
with empty bottles,
with candle holders,
with light bulbs...
Light bulbs are the worst
I can't see anymore when I lay down the light bulbs.
It takes me a while to take my first step
I have hurdles along the way before I get there,
they're called,
Love,
Friends,
Time,
Passion,
Servanthood,
Will-power
Purity.
Maybe one day I'll make those hurdles higher,
I wonder if there are any more I can add?
Because eventually I find enough strength in my own body,
Bloody strength,
it makes me sweaty,
with red oozing out my very pores,
but only in a colour that the angels can perceive
not me
not men
not women.
I'm a victim of my own foolish might
I don't realise it,
but my body is completely broken and stained before
my big toe
even touches the glass.
I can handle the glass,
I can't handle myself.
Lacking the perserverance, the willpower, the motivation,
the Self Control...
Where can I get that from?
My plus one...
But she can only hold firm as a rock for so long
before my gorey mess overcomes even her.
I push the bedsheets back after a sleep
I haven't been accompanied by anyone but shame,
and
for some reason my bedside lamp is still burning,
I'm sure I turned it off...
or was all I doing pulling the sheets over my eyes
to block the light?
He's still there,
His Word is too
It reads the same
as when I was innocent
my self control can be... gained from... who?
... it can't be...
my form is marred
my soul inadequate.
the burning in my heart is toil not peace...
right? what?
wrong?
Ugh, I don't want to look,
please, I'm ashamed,
He doesn't deserve this
i am a part of Golgotha's curse.
the world's blessing comes not from my bloody strength.
Of course not!!
It is however, from His bloody weakness
which most certainly was not weak at all.
I'm not worthy, yet He finds me so!
Yes of course I lov..
Yes Lord I love y...
Why the quizzing Jesus, I love you!!
His grace has no bounds.
My sins felt like the blackest of black
but He came like bleach and made me clean.
Lucky I recognised Him eventually.
Oh God, please give me wisdom in this situation,
forgive me for you claimed it was possible
I won't be a Pharisee
gloating about the card I got for my 21st which says how great and wise I am
I won't be Judas Iscariot
and fall harder than you wanted me to.
Thank you Lord for eyes -
No, I can't see through others
I don't know what colour blindness is like
or 20/20 vision,
but
Yes, I can read others eyes
they said
'enough is enough'
So now I'm coming back to you
Please except me like your prodigal son,
like your only Son,
this is why my life can be better than the life of Adam.
Amen.
Our greatest glory consists not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall.
Confusius said that but I think it's deeper
Lord I glorify your name in knowing that I can still be perservering even when I fall miserably.
