Soccer Temper

RrrrrEEEEEEFFFFF, He's been doing it all day REF!!!

A team mate of mine got a red card yesterday. He got overly 'passionate' and although I couldn't see a thing, apparently he gave the keeper two solid punches after his efforts in the goal box were cut short. I had no sympathy, no care for my team mate - I believe he will, along with a humiliating walk of shame, be fined maybe 50, maybe 100 dollars.
His actions could have cost us dearly.
The scores at that stage of the game (approximately 80mins) were all level,
3 - 3.

But even that thought, played little in getting me worked up, and temper filled on Saturday.
Let me explain:
This is my first season back after a couple of years break of competitive soccer.
It was my chance to get into a good team, with a few guys that I knew and maybe having the chance of getting my older brother involved too.
Turns out however, that work commitments landed on unfavourable days, deeming me absent for all trials and a relegation to the second team - which wasn't such a bad thing when I took account of the fact that I was still going to be in the same team as my brother.
The season draws near,
I get a txt from a stranger to say there was a game coming up 'this Sunday',
it was a friendly
they were oldAnd to cut a long story short, I earned an ankle injury after a shotty tackle from a heavy old man.
Now, 3 and half months later, I'm starting to get back into the game.
It was my second game back yesterday.
I was so excited, I made sure I went out and bought some new boots and shin guards.
I had invited my parents and my girlfriend along.
This was my big break.

We started warming up,
It soon became clear that I was not an opener... fair enough... If I was coach I wouldn't open with me either.
Scoring looked good immediately, 2 goals in the first ten minutes,
a voice at the back of my head - my coach
'if we're well ahead, we'll get you on there!'
I smile.
The game continues, the half draws near,
I haven't been called upon (there's been no injuries on the field obviously) and I watch as the opposition responds, 2 shots in the back of the net.

The half time whistle blows, a sweet melody to my ears,
my swan song,
team talk - didn't hear much bar this:
'OK, only changes, Ashtad your moving to left mid...................
WHAT???!!! I stand there stunned.
'Dylan'
'Yeah?'
'You'll come on in 10 minutes for about... 10 minutes'
'Yeah, OK, mean!'
Not OK, not mean, what do you mean? 10 minutes? Really? I'm fit!! ohhhh.
I look back, look Megan straight in the eyes, her response mirrors mine,
I love her.
I can't wait for 10 minutes to be over, the whistle starts us back up and Caleb's doing well, Liam gets on too and he's playing well. Ben gets injured, he hasn't been around long, but he's a GOOD player - Tom goes on to replace him, fair enough.
I warm up, I give it an excessively long time,
I'm a jumping jack rabbit,
come on already.
I'M.... ON!
Then I run up and down a bit without getting the ball.
Then... keeper has it, I call, he kicks, it comes to me, right on my foot,
I'm free to run, two men in front of me, both loosely marked,
I'm so free to run, but I've held the ball to long? surely, ahh this isn't my usual position!
Oh,
panicked. I skyed it from a long way out.
Mistake, but back in the game.
My coach is yelling at me, giving me orders and more orders,
I pay attention, do exactly what he says,
I want him to like me, want him to notice any skill,
I want to impress him.
I do all I can -
and then he sends me off.
BOOOO!
'Great game' I hear from the sideline,
it's a nice sentiment, but not what I've come for, not what I payed for, not what I came expecting.
I was a right sack of sadness after that,
here are the thoughts:
Stupid injury,
stupid brother and his coolness and his respect,
stupid boots that cost me for 10 minutes,
stupid shot at goal,
stupid amount of players in our team.
I got home and I cried, I mourned about a flipping soccer match.
It hurt to the core,
and there were several reasons.
I mourned at my own self-pity and mourned even more when I realised it.
I mourned of my jealousy towards my brother and others
I mourned of my disloyalty to the soccer team, and
I mourned of not getting any game time - I just wanted to enjoy myself.
So no wonder I didn't care about my team mates red card.

My temper wasn't outward on the field like it has been in the past,
but it was sure boiling up inside me.

Dear Lord,
yesterdays game brought out the worst in me. I was selfish and jealous and conceited. Lord, that experience was so humbling but I couldn't handle it. Lord, help me to grow up, become a mature man, teach me to be happy for those who can accomplish far more than I, even when given the same resources and time. Please stop me from playing 'what if?' and questioning your use of the past. Help me to move on and live life for now with no regrets. Use me Lord as your servant, where my focus isn't on myself but instead on You and all of those that I am serving. Let me be mercy and justice to others like you have indeed been for me. I know I need it after such a time as this.
In your Holy Name,
Amen.